You find yourself surrounded by a throng in a shopping mall, amongst many movie goers, enjoying amazing music at a concert, listening to a lecture at school or just walking down the street of your local downtown. Amidst all those possibly interesting, unique individuals, you experience the existential aloneness that we all feel at one point or another in our lives. We enter the world alone and ultimately, we leave alone. Yet, we know that in order to make our lives full and meaningful, we are tasked with meeting, befriending and even loving others.
When our core, early wound is abandonment, however, we can find it challenging, even excruciating to find, engage and befriend others. We are different from them. We don't have the tools. We don't deserve. We are less than. All these internalized negative messages follow us like worn, comfortable, yet painful baggage wherever we may travel in our lives.
One of my favorite lines from a Beatles song; maybe from any song; is "The love you take is equal to the love you make." Wait! You mean it is o.k. to take love? It is o.k. to ask for friendship? It is acceptable to show others that we want? It is worthwhile to need? Yes! Humans are social beings. We crave, thrive on and grow through engaging with others. Maybe just one or two others. Maybe dozens of others.
When was the last time you said "hi" with a smile to a random stranger? When did you call an acquaintance to see how they are doing or ask them out to take a walk? When have you shown up to a sick friend's house with soup, flowers, a magazine or a smile and a chat? When did you look on-line for a group to join that champions an interest of yours? When have you looked into and followed through on volunteering with animals? at a soup kitchen? at a hospital? a senior center? a pre-school?
Each of these experiences is giving to others while nurturing yourself at the same time. While it is true that in a purely existential way we are alone in the world, there is no reason for us to feel abandoned or lonely. We have the power to engage, befriend, and find love. Go do it!