"It's Sunny Out. . .Why Can't I Go Out And Play?"

Spring is here. We are getting closer to summer. Our children, teens and we want to go out and play. COVID-19 has changed our landscape, for now. In order to share many more springs, summers, falls and winters, we want to be cautious about how we approach potential contact with others. Gloves, masks, hand, clothing and body washing as well as staying inside whenever possible are all current realities to keep ourselves safe. All these precautions are borne out of best safety practices and fear.

When we are concerned, worried and afraid our youth pick up on our thoughts and feelings, even if we aren’t saying them aloud. Therefore, we want to mitigate the trauma by expressing curiosity, hope and gratitude. Let us be curious about the scientific facts. Let us be hopeful about the planet, medicine and even our political future. Let us be grateful for a roof over our head, if we have one, food on our table, if we have some and family and/or friends close by, if that is so.

I admit to noticing my gratitude more now than in any time in my past. I do, indeed, have moments of fear. That is when I reach out to my friends and family to remind me of the richness in my life today.

“Gratitude turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity. . .it makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.” Melody Beattie

When is Leaving My Child Abandonment?

We often hear the words child abandonment and think of those who are left at the fire station or hospital, parents who fail to pay child support, parents who are using substances and too involved with the drugs to attend to their child or even those parents who just take off.  Those are often the most noticeable and sad examples of child abandonment; often they may even make the evening news.

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How do I heal from physical changes?

I recently experienced three surgeries on my foot; an almost complete reconstruction.  It seems that after decades of use and the fact that my foot was not in the right position from birth, I was no longer able to walk, run, stand or maneuver my foot in almost any way.  Due to the amazing advances in present day medicine an orthopedic surgeon was able to make the necessary changes to enable me to, hopefully use my new foot for the rest of my life.  To think that not so long ago, I might have been relegated to a wheel chair for the remainder of my days, I would say that I am in pretty good shape.

Many of us, at all ages, but particularly after 40 years of age, find that our bodies need repair, rejuvenation, reconstruction.  We often think very little of going under the knife due to our incredible medical system and the possibilities that we are offered.  Following appropriate surgeries, we are grateful that we are alive and have the opportunity to move forward with our lives in healthier ways. Family and friends may be available to help and give us solace as we are physically recovering.  Life is good.

Then we notice our mood is low.  We can't seem to empower ourselves to move forward emotionally.  Stuck with poor energy, unexplained sadness or anger and lack of understanding for these feelings.  We are healthy.  We are actually better than before the procedure(s).  What is wrong?

Often, we don't acknowledge that along with renewed health, we have also experienced loss.  Even though our "old parts" were unhealthy, they were ours!  I have found the following steps helpful:

Make sure to say "good-bye" to the parts of you that will be going away or are currently missing.

Express gratitude for how it/they worked for as long as it/they did.

Express gratitude for the new you.  ( you can do this verbally, in writing, art, song, etc.)

Allow yourself to be sad while you get used to the new you.

Change is inevitable.  The more we acknowledge changes when they occur, the easier it will be to go through these experiences with grace.

 

 

  

Global negativity; how do I cope?

Wars, floods, fires, politics, police shootings, child shootings, high levels of divorce, an increase in mental health issues, toxic water or food, all are realities in our world today; a world that is smaller and more accessible than ever before due to technology.  If you watch television, listen to the radio, have an electronic pad or smart phone, you don't just read about these earthly challenges, you can see them up close and personal.  The news is on a 24 hour cycle so we don't miss a thing.  Even so, there is gun violence that we don't hear about; famine that is too massive to imagine; refugee crises in too many countries to count.  Add to all of this your early messages about life, tragedy, trauma and feelings. Yet, you are expected to go to work, care for a partner, child or aging parent, buy groceries, pay bills, take a shower and put one foot in front of the other. Are there days when you throw your hands up in anguish?  Shake your head in despair? Shed a tear of frustration? Wonder how you can get beyond all the negativity to a positive outlook for your present and future?

Life is a struggle; the key is to travel through your obstacles with grace; so say the Buddhists, if I may paraphrase.  How to do so is the question.  

Here are a few suggestions that many of my clients have used with great satisfaction over the years:

1.  Take a news vacation.  Give yourself a day or a week of no news!  The world will go on. You will eventually find out what happened.  This technique will allow you to reboot (pun intended).  

2.  While on your news vacation, find a favorite calming practice.  Plug into music, meditate, try yoga or Tai Chi, draw, sing, dance, walk in the woods or on the beach; find your peaceful place and go there regularly.

3.  Recoonnect with gratitude.  Are you grateful for family? friends? a roof over your head? food on your table? your job or career? school? a working body part? the sun? the rain? Find a way to acknowledge that appreciation out loud.  "Thank-you foot, for working after surgery." "I am grateful for my beautiful garden."

4.  Find a way to bring hope into your daily life.  When we hope, the future is possible.  Take baby steps.  When we are not used to wishing for ourselves or when our dreams have been dashed, we gingerly enter back in to the world of optimism.  Give yourself permission to hope for waking with a smile tomorrow; just because.

You can enter into pessimism quite easily and stay there with little effort.  Changing the course of your attitude, thoughts and feelings takes a bit more work, but can become a healthy coping skill and habit.  As George Harrison wrote and sang "Here comes the sun and I say, it's all right!"

 

 

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Feeling alone in a crowd?

You find yourself surrounded by a throng in a shopping mall, amongst many movie goers, enjoying amazing music at a concert, listening to a lecture at school or just walking down the street of your local downtown.  Amidst all those possibly interesting, unique individuals, you experience the existential aloneness that we all feel at one point or another in our lives.

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5 Strategies for Helping Your Teen Get Ready for School

Preparing your teen (or yourself) for school when summer is so relaxed, enjoyable, usually structureless and simply NOT school, can be challenging.  If your student likes school it can be easier.  If your student finds school challenging, you know the extra challenges that come with preparing for the next year ahead.  Here are some tips that might be useful for your teen and you to be ready to enter that next school experience with as much motivation, determination and hope as possible:

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